In April 2010, 21 years after Hillsborough, I wrote a short
account about my day, "Hillsborough, Still Hurting After All These Years". It was one of the
hardest things I had ever done as I wrote and deleted paragraphs containing some
of my more graphic memories.
Nonetheless, writing and publishing an abridged version of
what happened to me that day was in many ways therapeutic. Having published it
I felt some relief in getting it off my chest (that old cliché) and then came
the feedback, feedback from every corner of the world, showing support,
understanding and anger at what me and many other went through that day, a day
of course resulting in the needless deaths of 96 fellow football fans.
I think that with the coverage of that fateful day over the
last week or so that many of the gaps in my account can now be filled by the
reader. Some things however are still
within me, eating at me, torturing me. I
know full well that the feelings of guilt and “whether I could have done more”
are futile but that doesn’t prevent them from being there.
I have a haunting image that lives with me day in day and out
and has done since 15 April 1989. I had
made myself safe, helped many people over the railings into the safety of the
side pen, comforted a couple of young lads who were upset and bewildered. But standing there, watching the chaos on the
pitch, I could see a young man lying with his back to me not moving. His trousers were down to his knees and he
had clearly filled his boxer shorts. I
was as sure as you could be from that distance that he was dead, but I wanted
to go and cover him, give him some dignity. I didn’t.
In all the mayhem, I still had respect for authority and so
when there were announcements asking fans to stay on the terrace I abided by
them. I wish to fuck that I hadn’t.
So here we are in September 2012 and the Truth is finally,
conclusively out there (again), and now it is time for those responsible for
what happened to take the consequences for their criminal acts. The Football Association for allocating the
ground, Sheffield Wednesday Football Club operating unlawfully with no safety
certificate, the police for their woeful policing on the day and the corruption
and cover up that has followed.
The FA and Police Chief Sir Norman Bettison have both showed
a total lack of respect and dignity in their press statements this week even
after the release of the report. I think
the lies and cover up have been repeated that much that the perpetrators’ of
the fabrication now have difficulty in working out which version of “The Truth”
that they are running with.
Well I have news for them. It is not over and they will face
the consequences of their actions. After
campaigning for 23 years alongside the families of the 96, the survivors, LFC
fans worldwide, the people of Liverpool and possibly every other City &
Town on the planet we will not go away.
We are here awaiting Justice and if we don’t see it coming we will press
on until it arrives.
As for Kelvin MacKenzie and that rag that has the cheek to
call itself a newspaper – no apology will ever suffice for the damage you did
nor will it ever be accepted. Both
should quickly vanish off the face of the earth.
After the publication of the report on Wednesday I felt
overwhelmed and an uneasy and strange emptiness. Then the anger came back. This
was totally avoidable I knew it then and everyone knows it now.
I don’t think that I’ll ever fully move on from that
day. It has affected my life everyday
since. Perhaps my wife and family are best placed to describe the changes in me;
we are still together unlike many others affected that day. In the same way, I am still here unlike the
unfortunate ones who could not live with the burden of surviving. Again a futile thing but not something that
can easily by controlled when you are physically and emotionally affected by
the events.
Perhaps I’ll quieten down and speak and post less about
Hillsborough on Twitter and Facebook, but it is a fact of my life. Moving on from it is not an option as it is a
part of me and something that I will continue to live with.
Justice for The 96
YNWA
My sincere hope now is that everything is put in place to quickly secure new inquests and the families of the 96 can finally lay their loved to rest in peace and that Justice is seen to be done.
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